Half full
I no longer feel alone
In an infinite way
When once I knew my loneliness
I could count the space between each molecule
And the time inbetween each heart beat
Now every millimeter is filled with the thought of you
I no longer feel alone
In an infinite way
When once I knew my loneliness
I could count the space between each molecule
And the time inbetween each heart beat
Now every millimeter is filled with the thought of you
you can rain on me if you want to
bring the sky onto the ground
you can be the hate
you can be the storm
you can be the pain if you want to
but you won’t tear me down
you won’t scare me away
this time I am sure as the sunrise
I’m as firm as the tree roots
as steady as wind blows
no hail, harm or force could change that
I know this is where I’m supposed to be
don’t warn me of the darker days
don’t tell me you know better
your floods won’t wash me away
I’ll follow my heart to the ends of the earth
no matter what you say
Take it all in like a photograph in your mind
because from these heights you run the risk of falling
but for those brief seconds where gravity forgets you exist
when upwards is the only direction and everything that once was
are just snapshots, stories tales and faded memories
it’s here in momentary suspension where perfection and harmony collide
where a breath is not a moment but an inhalation of a lifetime
and everything you ever needed you already have
so needing no longer presses on your chest and weights you down
blink not, move not, think not, feel not – just let it all be
let the world give, let the world take, and never look down
the more I try to hold on tight
the less I have to hold on to
and everything I placed in order
comes toppling to the ground
the weather is cold like mid march
yet it doesn’t matter where I go
the seasons may change
but I still carry the snow
we fall away
because falling feels like running
but with less effort
into the deep blue we lose ourselves
exist not these arms and legs
fused in thought and broken down
from the tiniest little particles
to the tips of the universe
I feel it all when i look at you
no shape or voice or touch
just the vibration of air and heat
a cocktail of atoms colliding into one another
sinking into distance places where we hide
mountains of sheets and pillows
like sand and sky in distant horizons
everything built up so high
everything so incredibly far apart
It’s not what you told me
It’s what’s I wanted to hear
My voice echoes off into the night
And in this night there is no response
Only the patter of the rain
Only the whispering of memories
Repeating back to me, repeating back to me
Because I just wanted for the sake of wanting
And I’ll drown myself in the river if I have to
Just because the water is so warm
and I can’t imagine a better day to go down stream
To float away while you still know the sound of my voice
It’s as fresh and as real as the smile on your face
So I sit by the shore and i count the sunsets
Each time the sun fades so don’t you
They talk with mouths wide open and chins to chest
spewing forth ideas as old and ancient as a handmade quilt
draped over an even older, worn out couch
thoughts forgotten and antiquated sit idly in the corner
covered in a multitude of layers of neglect
dust caught in the cracks where promises and memories lay
and amidst the debris of broken dreams and cardboard boxes
filled with cassette tapes and old magazines
that fall one by one pasted teeth and intentions
is it possible to remain unaffected by the sheer weight of words
or the claustrophobia of a conversion not meant for two
Across the oceans, over mountains to foreign lands
to places buried so deep you didn’t know they existed
only in these distances can you find what is close
only in outer space can you defy gravity and time
and in these places where history books are unwritten
in these lands where only the brave dare to explore
it is here where I am with less than a candle to light my way
a flicker of hope and the compass of my heart that guides me
for the earth is round I once heard someone say
yet in that horizon lays doubts, pessimism and fear
bring me that perpetual line that points north to south
break it, bend it, curve it and refuse that is ridged and straight
wrap it around my finger, my body and my heart
destroy everything that you once knew because it is false
based on lies and assumptions from weary eyes that could not see
for I have been to the edge of the earth and peered over the side
I looked beyond that cliff where the ground touches the air
and I have stared into the eyes of infinity and it relentlessly back at me
all these miles and all these layers like bread crumb trails behind me
still i grip the ground below, so unsure of that last step
one more inch farther from comfort and security
the unknown beaconing me further, the truth centimeters away
everything you ever needed is inside someone once said
to many times I waited till tomorrow and to many tomorrows got away
do I dare jump over the edge and into the depth of me
will i ever come out on the other side and what lays there in that darkness
the only way out is in were the words repeated over and over again
like echos of everyone who had stood there before
The only thing left of this life is to dive on in
I want the unobtainable, the impossible. Only what exists in another world, a million miles away. There is where you can find me, bleary eyed and dreaming. I am counterfeit in any other way. I exist only to yearn for more. Occupying environments that are never the right temperature, wearing clothing that are never the right fit. No altitude will satisfy this lust for oxygen, not even heaven is high enough to breathe.
This landslide of disappointments keeps taking me down
slippery slope of mud filled with false promises they told me
and at the bottom I am buried alive
heavy is the weight of a thousand halfhearted words
rinse off the dirt, pronouns, syllables and verbs
wash away the memory with soap and time
this déjà vu plays like a broken record in my mind
the top looks like a memory or a childish dream
how reckless can this heart be
to ascend a mountain in the poring rain
with nothing but hope to protect me
Let’s reinvent the wheel and find a different way to get from point A to B. Let’s forget everything we were told in the past and carve in a new stone. Maybe we can forsake the ground - it was always to hard for these dreams and aspirations. These hands unwashed by oceans far away, swim in shallow waters for fear of the deep. But it’s out there in the middle of it all, where the bottom is to far to fathom and memories are erased. It’s where the sky touches the ground and gravity pulls us in all directions. This is our purpose. This is our destination. This is where we really feel alive. But first, we must find a better way.
give me the strength
to stand on these two feet
to weather the rain and the storms
to fight the wind and pain
and to see through the clouds
give me the knowledge
that this too shall pass
and through it all there is light
small and dim and distant
but it is there
give me the patience to understand
that nothing great was made in a day
but each one upon the next
reaching up into the sky
to make that tiny spec of a star
shine as bright as the sun
give me everything you’ve got
the worst, the best, the in between
this time I am ready
so give me it all
